Technology is cool. At any given time, I find myself enjoying a cold soda from my fridge, watching antique roadshow (MONDAYS AT 8!), listening to 80's music on my BITCHIN Sony TFM 9450, reading about manifest destiny on my computer, talkin to my bitchez on my cell phone, taking pictures of my Sony TFM 9450 with my BEST CAMERA TO EXIST Canon S3IS, recording Spirted Away on my DVR, savoring the comfort of central air, all while enjoying the gentle glow of my ironically energy saving florescent lamp. However,
IT HAS GONE TOO FAR.
The wonders of plumbing need to give a rest. Automatically flushing toilets are a plague upon humanity.
The problems outweigh the benefits, the toilet should be a place for comfort and happiness, you are releaving yourself of discomfort, what could be better? But, imagine if you will, you go to unload your worries after a fucking 3 hour long movie about pirates or spidermens and your glorious mental bliss is SHATTERED because the moment you sit the toilet flushes. You may recover to still enjoy the expeirence, but then comes the end, all done, but no toilet flush. You are not a child, or a DICK, you must flush the toilet because that is one thing left in this world to keep everyone happy. You look around, waiting... nothing. You have other stuff to do now that your break is done and you dont have time for this toilet voodoo shit so you push the manual button, DEFEATING THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF AN AUTOMATIC FLUSH.
I know what you are thinking: No handle to push, no poopy germ hand, Kate, you dumb bitch, whats wrong with something that cool? Really nothing. In theory, its great. So was communism. HOWEVER, you have no idea how many super filthy surfaces you come in contact with in the restroom, even if you wash your hands on the way out just grab that door handle on the way out and you might as well have peed on your hands. You are awesome and smart enough to wash your hands but not everyone is. Ewwwwwww. I've cleaned out a bathroom or two in my day, I know all its dirty secrets. Like every mens room to ever exist is exponentially more dirty than a ladies room. DONT DARE QUESTION ME. But I digress.
I guess it comes to this: you are covered in filth all the time, you eat off dirty things, you put you hands all over nasty things all day long, you are never clean, germ freak, and here you are alive, thanks to the miracle of modern medicine. So why make such a bother with an automatical toilet? They suck.
Feel the cold breeze and water splashings of a premature toilet flush ever again? I'D RATHER BE DEAD.
Also, has anyone ever been in a stall with a handwashing sink in it? Thanks for doubling the line for the ladies room EASTON MALL IN COLUMBUS OHIO.